Tomorrow is the day that I am having my HSG test. I am nervous, like even nervous is an understatement. Not only do I not really relish the idea of the pain but what he tells me can either make or break my future plans. If all is a-go then we try the clomid and have a half dozen babies at one time. If the tubes are blocked, well, not good. We are then looking at thousands of dollars in either in vitro or adoption, money that I can not imagine that we will ever have!!!!! My tubal reversal doctor is supposed to assume the responsibility if the tubes are blocked or have come apart again, and therefore fix the tubes. All I can say is HELL NO! They had to cut me open like they were fileting a fish. It was possibly the worse pain ever. The actual incision bothered me for weeks and now is a lovely addition to my fat roll but the anesthesia actually took about two weeks to work its way out of my system. So, everyone think good thoughts for me and hope that everything comes out ok.
Well onto a better subject about my already born children, who are wonderful, both of their birthdays are coming up very soon. Anna will be 11 this Thursday, that totally doesn't seem right. She is such cute little girl and is growing up to be a beautiful young woman. She doesn't know it either, that is the most endearing thing about her. I can remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. Gavin's birthday is the 4th of July. He will be 9. He is such a sweet little boy, he tries to be all tough and manly, but secretly he still loves getting hugs and kisses from his mommy! Even when I would go see him at school, he would always run up to me and hug me big like he hadn't seen me in days. I love that! So many kids are embarassed to hug and kiss parents in front of friends. I hope he never grows out of that!
I know that it sounds crazy that I want another child. I have to perfect kids, one boy and one girl, who could ask for more. I have had 3 miscarriages, so I would totally be tempting fate. And the fact that I want another child does not mean I am not happy with my kids I have now, which is something that my mother can not understand. I have a husband who I want to have a child with. I want another child. Maybe that is selfish? Sorry, a little soul searching on line tonight.
Well onto a better subject about my already born children, who are wonderful, both of their birthdays are coming up very soon. Anna will be 11 this Thursday, that totally doesn't seem right. She is such cute little girl and is growing up to be a beautiful young woman. She doesn't know it either, that is the most endearing thing about her. I can remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. Gavin's birthday is the 4th of July. He will be 9. He is such a sweet little boy, he tries to be all tough and manly, but secretly he still loves getting hugs and kisses from his mommy! Even when I would go see him at school, he would always run up to me and hug me big like he hadn't seen me in days. I love that! So many kids are embarassed to hug and kiss parents in front of friends. I hope he never grows out of that!
I know that it sounds crazy that I want another child. I have to perfect kids, one boy and one girl, who could ask for more. I have had 3 miscarriages, so I would totally be tempting fate. And the fact that I want another child does not mean I am not happy with my kids I have now, which is something that my mother can not understand. I have a husband who I want to have a child with. I want another child. Maybe that is selfish? Sorry, a little soul searching on line tonight.
2 comments:
Ali, good luck. I will be thinking about you. You are so completely normal to want a child with your husband -- to share that experience with him. It is so understandable!
Definitely not selfish. Selfish would be not having kids to share the love.
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